Romanian vs. English

“What is it with romanian that makes it so easy to give up (partially of course), or what is it with english that makes it so easy to take up?” asks K. about three of us, Romanian natives, chatting in English.

I think I have a wild speculation about it: Romanian may be easy to give up when you want to tune into a different mental frequency. I honestly believe that using one language vs. another, in time, triggers a set of behaviors or at least of attitudes. Language is so much more than just the language; it’s a surface beyond which lie deep structures of cultural practices and mentalities.

I drafted this last night only to discover a poignant comment K. left in the chat room later on: “Don’t you think that you are two different people based solely on your choice of language?” Yes indeed! Great minds … 🙂

Those of you who are Romanians must have noticed how easy it is to be offensive, aggressive, patronizing, searingly ironic, or have double entendre in Romanian. One has to pay extra attention not to manifest that kind of behavior (particularly in the jungle called Bucharest). I think this proclivity to offensiveness is actually a reflection of the culture in the first place and that the language has been molded to become an enabler of the behavior. So that’s one reason why I prefer to communicate in English: I just want to cut the umbilical cord to that culture and with English I don’t need to worry about it :). I do believe that it is perfectly possible to express yourself elegantly in Romanian but somehow to me it feels like I have to make an effort.

As a non-native speaker, I feel English has a disciplining quality, if you will. It forces you to be more restrained and it uses far fewer words than Romanian. This could very well be a comparison that holds with other romance languages, too; I don’t know. Sadly, this restrictive trait makes me feel like I can’t be completely myself when using it because I miss the Romanian humor, which uses a ton of cultural references and nuances that cannot be translated.

English and Romanian, in my case, have another unexpected effect: It’s a lot easier for me to be sincere in English. I’m not particularly concerned with concealing what I think anyway, or I wouldn’t be writing this, but in Romanian I say far less than I would in English, and yet I manage to project a more accurate image of who I am. Not surprising, since it’s my native language/culture and I inhabited it, so to speak, for 29 years. But somehow using English opens the tap of my sincerity and I find myself saying things I would never say in Romanian :). Nothing offensive, just going into more detail than I know I should. I suspect it’s a reaction to living in this culture, where you don’t quite express what you feel other than in two understated words, which for the most part I like but every once in a while drives me nuts.

So here I am, with a split personality, thoroughly enjoying both sides. And I think that this was my ultimate — even if unconscious at the time — goal in coming to America: acquiring a new outlook and new behaviors. I knew there was something beyond going to grad school and changing careers; I couldn’t put it in words, I just felt it was there.